Avoidance looks like distance, but most of the time it’s fear wearing a disguise.
A man who suddenly goes quiet or sidesteps intimacy isn’t always bored or uninterested — sometimes he’s protecting himself from another round of “not working right.”
The math in his head goes something like this:
If I try and fail again, I’ll feel smaller. If I don’t try at all, I can tell myself I’m just tired.
It’s not logical, but it’s human. Shame has a way of turning small struggles into proof of failure.
What helps isn’t pressure — it’s presence. The moment someone says “You don’t have to rush this,” the body starts to exhale. The nervous system loosens its grip when it stops being graded.
So if he’s avoiding sex, look beyond the gap.
Ask what he’s been carrying — stress, medication, exhaustion, fear — instead of what he’s been withholding.
Intimacy doesn’t begin with desire; it begins with safety.
And sometimes the safest thing you can say is, “I’m here when you’re ready.”